Each sex worker has their own limits as far as what they are comfortable with. At this time this section will primarily deal with full service calls.

Limits are the boundaries that are discussed and set during the negotiation of a session. These limits are set in order to make sure that the scene is pleasurable for all involved.

First things first you must decide what your comfort levels are. Set limits… Stick to them… You could write them down, put them on your website, think about them.. It is your body and your choice..

There are many levels of “safe sex” or “safer sex”… you need to decide what barriers (protection) you want to use or if you are comfortable with the act at all. Going through a section like sexual health and considering your options may be one way of deciding what services to offer. Another may be to look at the definitions of terms that clients and service providers use.

Setting Limits and Sticking to Them

• Many clients offer additional $$ for services you do not offer. It is up to you - some choose to politely decline. I like to say oh you naughty boy you know I do not offer that. If they ask why I go into reasons why.
• Being assertive is the key here.
• Telling your clients what your limits are and going over your limits is a tricky one. Know your legal limits before going over things with your client. Know how to cover the basics without putting yourself at risk with law enforcement.
• Talking with the client on the phone or sitting down with your client at the beginning of your session after $$ have been exchanged may be a good time to set out what your boundaries are. "I do not offer..." " My hard limits are..." Then you are free to explore beyond those areas from the beginning. It is awkward to fumble through the session not knowing if he is going to try to penetrate you with his fingers if you do not allow that. Then to say no I don't allow that - can really throw things off.
• Many of my colleagues put their restrictions on their websites and ask clients to visit it prior to their visit.
• If you find setting limits with your clients difficult - you may wish to get a book or read up on assertiveness training.
• If you work in a place that puts items on the menu that you do not want to offer - this is an entirely different section and one we hope to get to soon.

What is Abuse?

Abuse is not just an individual issue but a community issue. It effects all types of families and communities including SP's, clients, S/M, traditional, straight, polyamorous, monogamous, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities. Abuse crosses all social, ethnic, racial, and economic lines.

Abuse is a pattern of behavior where one person tries to control the thoughts, beliefs, or actions of a partner, friend, client, or any other person close to them. Abuse is sometimes also referred to as bad call, domestic violence, battering, and partner abuse.

Abusers may use a number of ways to control their partner, none of which are acceptable in the context of a consensual, negotiated client / service provider relationship. These actions cannot be stopped with a safeword and can include:

Physical Abuse- hitting, punching, choking, kicking, slapping, shoving, beating, leaving marks, or using weapons outside contract/scene limits and not respecting safewords. Defending these nonconsensual physical actions as the way "real" BDSM works.

Emotional Abuse- criticizing constantly, using ridicule, verbal abuse, lying, undermining self esteem, criticizing an interest in S/M in a demeaning or degrading manner, humiliating or degrading in public or private outside of contract/session limits and not respecting safewords.

Sexual Abuse- forcing sex, forcing specific sex acts or sex with others, refusing to practice safer sex, refusing to negotiate or not respecting contract/scene limits, forcing use of BDSM during sex. Defending these nonconsensual physical actions as the way "real" BDSM works.

Economic Abuse- controlling economic resources, stealing money, credit cards, or checks, running up debt, forcing you to live above your means, fostering total economic dependence, using economic status to determine relationship roles/norms, including purchase of food clothes, etc...

Outing- using awareness of fear and hatred of certain marginalizes groups in our society. Threatening to out someone as being a service provider, BDSM provider, client, being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, polyamorous, being undocumented . Using societies prejudices as a way to control a person who is part of a marginalizes group.