Perspectives from Partners of a Sex Worker

Perspective I

LOVING A SEX WORKER: Perspective from a Partner.

I think when people put together in their head what they imagine a girl, woman or lady that works in the sex industry, they get a very specific image in mind: Their fantasy. Whether they imagine her to be a young school girl needing their money, a nasty slut fulfilling her needs or a myriad of other possibilities it is not likely that their view of this person will match up with who she is at heart. Much like watching a girl in a Porno film imagining that she isn’t actually balancing her check book while riding that dudes cock, men come to believe what we want about the women we fantasize about. In the case of a large number of men in my home city of Toronto, that fantasy woman is my partner… my girlfriend, the women I look in the eyes every night before I go to bed. My partner is an escort.

She does massage, domination, duo shows with other girls and other things that I don’t ask about and don’t care to know. She does these things for money then comes home to me and we love each other. It seems like a complicated thing to deal with from the outside, we come to be so protective/possessive of the sexuality of our partners that most of my friends don’t really know what to make of my understanding. Whether it be the moral implications of what she does, or the basic strangeness of my girl getting some other guy off, it doesn’t “click” in a lot of peoples minds. So why does it work in mine?

Maybe its because we have spent some time talking about and exploring sexual options with others in a group setting, maybe its because we leave most of the details out of what we talk about. But to be honest, I think that it’s because I am prepared to accept that she has a sexuality that came before, and doesn’t necessarily always include, me. And that’s okay. It’s the same case for every single person in the world. No matter how devoted, how deeply in love, there is some thing, some aspect some glimmer of a fantasy that we keep to ourselves. In some cases this glimmer is watching porn while our partner is asleep, or having an affair, or visiting an escort…. or being one. There are degrees of understanding, of honesty in every relationship, ours in no different. To say that there are no mixed emotions would be a lie, of course there are. In the sex business there are countless risks for the girls, or boys, and a degree of helplessness for those of us that love them. We can’t protect them, we can’t see what they are doing, not where they are going and perhaps most scary; we have no idea who they are meeting. We can arm ourselves with information, but it isn’t until I hear that “I’m okay” call that I can really rest easy. And that’s hard.

Hard too is facing the reality that your partner is doing sexual things every day that don’t involve you, maybe things you wish you did together, maybe things that repulse you, things you don’t understand, things that scare you. Its tough to know how to take it all. Are you turned on by her fucking another girl with a strap on? Are you shocked to hear of a guy who wants nothing more then a mouthful of your lovers pee? At the end of the day, you either love your partner or you don’t. With true love comes ultimate understanding. No matter what goes on in “the office” they are coming home to you and they love you and that is all that matters. Sorting out your feelings as how they relate to what your partner does come secondary to how you love them for who they are with you.

If my lover worked in an office as an executive all day, she would still be putting on an act, still playing a character, still lying to people about who she truly is, and perhaps figuratively, if not literally, jerking guys off to make them happy. And do I want that? No. The hours aren’t as flexible, the pay isn’t as good and I probably would never see pictures of her and her coworkers getting naked and making out.
It’s a complicated life sometimes, no matter what you do, or where you go. The only thing that makes it less complicated is knowing you have that one thing figured out: Who are you going to spend the rest of your life with? Who is going to be your partner? Who is going to be at your side, covering your back, bringing you soup when your sick and being there when your backs to the wall? In my case it’s my girlfriend, my lover, my partner…. Who may be an escort by day, but is my girl all the time.

Perspective II